Last night was weird. But then, every night has been at least a little weird recently. I was talking to someone in my head, someone I admire creatively. I do that a lot; if I have to talk to someone in my head, I'd rather it be someone I think is awesome. So anyway, I'm talking to this person and I was laying on the floor because my right leg has been killing me and I had been doing stretches. Suddenly, this person whose personality I had totally created rolled over and opened up my ribcage and looked inside. This also happens a lot, a pleasant conversation in my head ends with whomever I'm conversing with doing that, and it's always when things continue to go pleasant and don't devolve into a rape fantasy. It always catches me off guard because I'm not controlling it. I almost yelled out. The the person faded away and all this weird shit started happening. I tried to focus on the music I was listening to to make things safer, but I realized that all the music was doing was keeping things in a very uncomfortable position. So I turned it off and laid back down. I don't know if I was remembering things or releasing energy in picture form. My dad was hitting and beating me and throwing me and screaming at me while he did it. He was yelling "I HATE YOU I WISH YOU HAD DIED YOU'RE NOTHING YOU'RE NOT WORTH SHIT" as he hurt me. A couple of those had come up in dialogue in a short film I had written the day before, so it just made the question of whether it was real or not more confusing. Then he did the same thing to my sister while I watched. But I wasn't really watching it, I was just laying there and feeling her pain and my own fear while he hit and beat her and screamed at her too.

This probably doesn't make any sense to someone who has never experienced it before.