Utter Disgust

There is a man in my mind and we are constantly staring at each other. Sometimes his eyes fill my mind with fear and all I can do is panic and survive. Sometimes I stare at him angrily and it's hard not to throw things and imagine murdering people. But our eyes are always meeting, always. It feels like I never have a moment alone, even when I am physically alone. He's watching me change my clothes, he watches me cry, he's always there and it seems like he'll never go away. A part of my mind is always in a panic because of it.
In therapy a few days ago, my therapist decided to help me create a safe place in my head that I could use to balance myself when things were bad. Outer space was the only place that didn't have a frightening underbelly. The fear of complete isolation kept trying to creep up on me, but I ignored it and continued with the exercise. She asked me to describe the colors I saw, my surroundings. I tried to relax. Suddenly a fog cleared, and my heart swelled and my breathing got shallow. "I'm really scared right now," I said, beginning to hyperventilate. "Why?" my therapist asked. "Because my dad's there." It felt like he had forced himself inside me mentally as well and had never left. I could feel him at my back and I had the urge to jump out of my chair. He had split my mind in two and taken half for himself. I use the past tense, but the feeling is still there.
It's getting hard to think. I need to sleep.